after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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