when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MIDGETS
????
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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