You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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