is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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