Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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