You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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