I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
