Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
