This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
