I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I love having hate sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
