i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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