I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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