Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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