Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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