im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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