and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
