i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
