afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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