Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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