Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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