I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
