Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
