New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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