i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
