Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
