Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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