have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
