he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
