Do you still have your period?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
