My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
