you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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