it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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