I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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