I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
