Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
