life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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