Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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