I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
