hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
