Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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