Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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