I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
