Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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