I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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