I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
