so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
