saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
