Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
