i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
