Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
