I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I understand Curling. That high.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
