I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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