you didnt know i had herpes?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
