Jerry, you need to find god
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
